First Kiss

There are so many thoughts running through my head, as usual. Let me offer some context: George has, for the last few weeks, been working on a small side project with an old acquaintance. They dated briefly many, many years ago and hadn't seen each other since. When they got reacquainted and subsequently started working on this project they seemed to reconnect almost immediately. So much so, that we were forced to rethink the boundaries that we had set for ourselves.

Initially, we had agreed that extramarital sex was OK, provided we didn't form relationships. The ideal scenario would be a hookup for George while on a business trip or for me after a night out dancing with girlfriends (an idea I've still not fully warmed up to, but that ironically has been an option since before we read Sex at Dawn).

We now found ourselves in a situation where George had made a connection with someone, and because of their history, the relationship was already in place. They met together on a couple of occasions within the context of this project, but the conversation would drift, which led to meetings  longer than they needed to be, meetings which also always ended with an embrace that George felt was different than when friends hug goodbye.

During George's last meeting with this friend, they ended up having to redo much of the work, which included some down time where they had nothing to do but wait and talk, sitting next to each other, constantly closer as the evening progressed.

At one point she asked him, "You seem to be very comfortable with me physically, is this normal for you?"

"Are you uncomfortable with the contact?" he responded.

"No, but you're married, and I'm married. This isn't how married people normally are with each other unless they're planning to hook up."

George's explanation was that when we left our religion, we left the forced values behind and instead adopted the scientific method as our value system. He said we both recognize that sexual exclusivity is not the natural condition for human beings, and we decided that being exclusive was not going to be something we required of each other.

She took it all in (and didn't run for the door!). Shortly thereafter, work completed, they went to the parking lot to load up their things and say goodbye.

George had his first kiss not-with-me since he married me. It didn't move on to other things, at least not yet, maybe not ever, who knows? But I've been anxious for this, really. Anxious to see if everything I thought I would feel and he thought he would feel was right.

It was. I was comfortable with the idea before I ever gave my consent, and I was comfortable after it happened. A little anxious to know how it went, how it felt for him. It felt totally natural to him. Totally natural! Also, a little thrilling. Actually, a lot thrilling. (I would hope so!) Also, there was no guilt!

It blew my mind. It's all I could think about as I was falling asleep, and again getting ready in the morning. It felt totally natural. That's exactly what I'd thought would happen, what I hoped, and I'm in awe that such a taboo idea could feel so natural. George had the same reaction (mind blown) by the absence of guilt that he'd been taught his entire life would be there if he did anything outside the norm. It's not like we're still religious, and not like we didn't guess what it would be like, but theory can be different than life. It feels like we're scientists that came up with a hypothesis and just tested it, finding no evidence to the contrary. I'm sort of giddy.

George is a little giddy, too.